Interest in nervous system regulation is really growing, particularly in the context of mental and physical wellbeing.
People are becoming more aware that their nervous system plays an essential role in how they experience stress and how their body responds to it.
So what is nervous system regulation?
Regulation doesn’t mean you’re always calm, zen-like, and completely in control. Let’s be honest, that’s not how life works! Regulation is really about helping your nervous system to become more flexible and adaptable, so that you are able to bounce back when things get stressful.
You and I, like everyone else, have built-in fight-or-flight responses that kick in to protect us when we sense danger. That’s totally normal. It means we can quickly gather the energy we need to deal with whatever’s happening, face the situation, and then settle ourselves back to feeling at ease again, ideally without it taking too long.
When your nervous system is out of balance (dysregulated), it can go into overdrive – that’s your fight-or-flight response kicking in – and the energy that builds up doesn’t always get released properly.
That’s when you might feel anxious, on edge, or restless and your nervous system can also get stuck in shutdown mode, often called the freeze response. When that happens, you might feel depressed, exhausted, disconnected, or even hopeless.
If you’ve been dealing with ongoing stress or you have a history of trauma, it can really take a toll on you. It drains all your resources and energy and this can make your reactions feel bigger and harder to manage.
You might find it takes longer to bounce back. Feeling resilient becomes more of a challenge and that’s completely understandable.
When your nervous system is able to meet the demands, and it is regulated or balanced you feel safe, comfortable, at ease, clearheaded and you’re more connected and able to enjoy the company of others.
Regulation is dynamic
Regulation is your body’s ability to manage and balance its biological responses to stress. Nervous system regulation affects various bodily functions including your heart rate, breathing, digestion, and emotional responses.
So regulation is actually more of a dynamic process that occurs in a healthy, functioning nervous system to maintain balance between your fight-or-flight (sympathetic nervous system) and rest and digest (parasympathetic nervous system).
This means that you can feel angry or anxious and low or shut down, but you are able to recover more quickly without getting stuck in states of feeling too wired or too tired.
For example: When a child is hurt if we tell them not to cry, they learn to hold their pain inside, but this doesn’t help them to regulate or find resolution. They suppress their feelings, their biological response doesn’t get to complete, and they stay stuck in survival states.
To help a child to regulate, we can be there for them and acknowledge the pain they feel. We can reassure them that its painful when we get hurt and that it’s okay to cry and that it’s a natural response. When we sit with them and allow them to cry and reassure and comfort them, eventually the feeling will pass and they will return to a state of feeling calm.
Having someone by your side who can stay calm and help you feel safe when everything feels overwhelming — that’s what we call co-regulation. It’s all about creating a safe, supportive space, especially for a child, so they can settle and let their natural survival responses come to a proper sense of completion.
Providing a protective space and being supportive allows the child to learn HOW to respond effectively to their nervous system, so that they can self-regulate and find inner calm.
If you didn’t experience co-regulation as a child, it may be harder to see people as a source of safety. If you were told to “stop being a cry baby” or experienced criticism, rejection and emotional abandonment, then your learned survival responses may lead to defensiveness and withdrawal in your relationships.
You can learn to self-regulate
So often, our pain is embedded in relationships where we didn’t feel safe, seen or supported. This is the original trauma. We all need caring connections with others to heal from trauma. Even if you did not have them in the past, please know that you can create them now and you can learn how to self-regulate.
The relationship you build with your Psychotherapist is so important because it can start to rewrite old habits and patterns. If you grew up without co-regulation and felt like your feelings didn’t matter, the therapeutic relationship can help you to experience what it’s like to be seen, heard, understood and validated.
Regulation can also occur in any environment or during any activity where you feel more connected to yourself and to your inner experience without being overwhelmed by it. It happens when you are able to turn towards your emotions in a more understanding and compassionate way.
Traumatised people often feel very alone and misunderstood. You can learn to connect with the nervous system of another who is calm and grounded to help you to shift the state of your own nervous system.
This can be a powerful way to help you in recovering from chronic and traumatic stress and it occurs during your therapy session when I am co-regulating for you in a calm and compassionate way. When you feel heard and understood, you feel more connected and less alone.
This co-regulation happens via your vagus nerve (through resonant circuits connecting in the brain and the body) and also through chemical processes, especially the release of oxytocin (a hormone that promotes feelings of love and bonding).
Co-regulation can occur in many different ways. Some people find it easier to find a sense of connection to pets, music or places in nature. For example: walking on a beach and smelling the scent of salty air, feeling the sand under your bare feet, and the warm sun on your skin. Or cuddling with a pet in the comfort of your home can also release oxytocin. The release of this hormone, brings you into a state of feeling connected, calm and balanced (ventral vagal state).
When you feel safe within yourself, it makes it so much easier to have positive experiences and build genuine, meaningful connections with the people around you.
If you would like to experience co-regulation in therapy, feel supported and learn how to self-regulate with Polyvagal techniques please feel welcome to contact me.